I've Never Told Anyone This Story Before

I've never told anyone this story before.

I recently had unprotected sex with an escort. At our previous session, she had implicitly offered to let me have sex with her without a condom with no extra charge requested or required. I chickened out at the time and used a condom anyway. My instincts told me that I should not see her again, that sex with her would be unsafe and that it was time to move to a different escort. For the next two months, I stayed away from her and all escorts. But she haunted my thoughts daily--all I could think about was having sex with her, raw and uncovered. I finally gave in to temptation and saw her, knowing that she wanted me to fuck her bareback. I gave her exactly what she (and I) wanted and it was some of the best sex I've ever had.

Now I've been seeing escorts for over two years, ever since I found out about the various escort internet boards, and have seen around a dozen different women. Though I've never contracted anything or even really worried about it, this experience freaked me out about contracting an STD. I wondered if every twinge or irritation in my crotch was some nasty bacterial infection or possibly worse. I had to think of excuses not have sex with my wife in the event that I would infect her and then she would find out, divorce me, take custody of my children and basically ruin my life. I couldn't use the family doctor to get STD tested--I didn't want to risk a positive result that would have to be reported to the State who would eventually notify my wife. I had to drive to another city and use an anonymous testing center under a pseudonym, and then pay for the service in cash so my insurance bill would not show up at the house. That week while waiting for my full test results was one of the longest weeks in my life. I could not sleep at night. I prayed to God that if the results were negative, I would give up this vice altogether.

Luckily all test results were negative--I was clean. It has been more than a month since my STD tests and I still have some psychosomatic symptoms that I occasionally worry about. I have not seen an escort since my last encounter, but the temptation is still very much there. I'm trying to understand why I do what I do--part of it is for the sex (though I have an obliging if unenthusiastic wife), but also because having sex with other women makes me feel sexy and respected. I've worked hard for years to provide for my family and to do all the right things--sometimes I just want to be appreciated as a man and to have my inner needs met, to feel wanted instead of just accommodated. I am under no illusions that these women see me for any reason other than the money, but the carnal fulfillment, and ego gratification is very had to ignore. I'm hoping, praying that this latest episode will shock me into giving this up for good but somehow in my gut I know that I will lose again to temptation. It's just too easy to do. And I like it too much.

I Had Also Done Many Things During Two Deployments I Never Wanted To Do

Where to begin.

I'm a mid-twenty-something, currently in the military. I have a stable girlfriend and several unstable yet available female friends. I am vastly overeducated for my job and am generally a well-respected person. I'm not too shabby in the looks department and am very seldom ridiculed. Generally being gone for a year at a time overseas is a terrible experience. Every time I've gone it's been a miserable series of events that makes suicide seem palatable. One day I decided to visit Toronto with some friends. After a complete failure at the bar scene I decided I could part with some money for some stress release. I had never bothered to resort to prostitution, but I had also done many things during two deployments I never wanted to do. After the concierge at the hotel was appalled by my request for female companionship, I hailed a cab and asked the best place to find a professional. He suggested the intersection of two streets named Church and College respectively. This was very comical to me, but I was eager to begin the adventure. Upon arriving I found a gaggle of women who were wearing what could only be described as whore uniforms. I decided on a young blond who seemed to fit the part. Negotiating the price during the cab ride back to the hotel, we eventually made our way to my room, finding many odd stares from hotel guests and the staff. This part was actually very exciting for some reason. In the room things began very fast, and while thrilling it was obvious she was doing her job, which in a way was more arousing. After a seemingly endless 35 minutes of nervous thrusting, I managed to complete my task, which seemed the most satisfactory part of the evening to her. Pleasantries were exchanged, and I handed over her garish clothing and sent her on her way. After a cigarette and some self soothe saying, I managed to convince myself somewhat that the money was well spent and that I had a "good time." I would possibly seek companionship in this manner again, but honestly it was a frightening act of depravity fueled by a complete loss of morals related to my murder for hire status in the military.